


Lament

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [12]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: Mukuro deals with the aftermath of her mall date with Junko and Sayaka.





	Lament

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year, everyone!
> 
> My gf drew art again! Have some sad stuff with blood and tears first: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/169109487171
> 
> But in return, there's this: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/169109260671 (I love it)
> 
> I've finally convinced myself it's okay to use the Friendship tags. We could use some of them, I think!

* * *

 

Mukuro wakes up to a painful throbbing in her right hand.

Without opening her eyes, she lightly touches it with her other hand, feeling the rough fabric of the bandages. Junko gave her something for the pain, but its effect seems to have diminished now that it's morning. Still, the pain isn't nearly as bad as it was yesterday. Her fingers travel upwards to touch her bracelet, which is luckily still here.

She feels cold, even though she knows she logically should be warm, and shudders.

She really doesn't feel like going to class today. If she hears that alarm go off in the next couple of minutes, she might smash her phone. She just wants to keep laying in bed like this for the rest of day. It seems like a very good idea to do that.

She wants to, but she knows she can't. She's known for being diligent and disciplined, so simply not attending without going to the nurse's office or anything would definitely raise eyebrows, make people suspicious. And if people get suspicious, they might inquire about the wound on her right hand. She can't allow that to happen.

Mukuro opens her eyes and sees her sister staring at her with a face devoid of any expression. If Junko wasn't propping her head up with her left hand, she could be mistaken for a corpse.

It takes a lot of discipline not to move or make a sound. "Junko-chan," she murmurs, her heart racing. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my room." Junko answers.

Mukuro blinks, realizing Junko is right. She's completely forgotten that she didn't even go back to her own room after yesterday. "I see," she says, because she doesn't know what else there is to say. Feeling a little unsettled, she decides to ask a question. "Did... you watch me sleep?"

Junko scoffs. "Don't make me sound like some freak. I woke up before you, and there wasn't anything else I could do without waking you up. Besides, you talk in your sleep."

"I do...?" Mukuro sits up, wincing when her wound throbs painfully again. "How late is it? We're not going to be late, are we?"

Junko raises one of her eyebrows. "That's not really your concern. We're not going to class today."

"Why not?"

"God, are you serious?" Junko asks, rolling her eyes. "It's Saturday, dumbass!"

"Oh." Mukuro feels like an idiot.

"Any plans for today?" Junko snickers. "They didn't include your right hand, did they?"

Mukuro tries to think. "I told Sayaka-san and Tsumiki-san I would teach them self-defense today. And afterwards Tsumiki-san and I were going to go to a cake shop. I think I can do both without using my right hand too much, but..." She trails off, staring at her bandages.

"They're gonna notice that sooner or later anyway," Junko says, picking up on her thought process. "Just think of something not stupid for once to explain it away. Or do _I_ have to think of something?"

"I can do it by myself," Mukuro mumbles. "I will try to think of something, Junko-chan. Please don't worry about it."

"Do I _seem_ worried?" Junko asks cooly.

"No..." Mukuro swallows. "I'm just saying."

"It's about time you went back to your own room, don't you think?" Junko snorts. "You're such a fucking embarrassment, wanting to sleep next to your little sister all the time."

"Okay," Mukuro mutters, standing up from Junko's bed. "Thank you for letting me sleep next to you, Junko-chan..."

"Get out already." Junko tells her in an annoyed tone. "You reek. Go take a shower or something, you idiot."

"I will." Mukuro says, opening the door.

She walks out of Junko's room feeling simultaneously relieved and sickened.

Relieved, because she didn't want to stay.

Sickened, because she is relieved to get away from her sister.

Mukuro goes back to her room, taking a shower and brushing her teeth. It feels dirty to leave the bandages on afterwards, even though she covered her hand with a plastic bag, but she doesn't have the means to change her bandages right now. She doesn't want to go back to Junko for that, and she can't ask Tsumiki either.

She'll probably have to go to a pharmacy in the city for it. At least she has a disinfectant in her room, that small bottle of ointment Tsumiki gave her a week ago.

What is she going to tell her friends though? Maybe something close to the truth. Like... on the way back to her room yesterday, a random student wearing high-heels accidentally stepped on her hand while she was trying to pick up... her bracelet... that she dropped?

Mukuro thinks it through. She's the Ultimate Soldier and usually her reflexes would be good enough to prevent such an accident, but she could just excuse that by claiming she was feeling too excited after the mall thing to pay much attention to her surroundings. It could work...

It's not like she's going to think of anything better, right? Well, she'll try anyway, but she believes her current story is good enough. If it isn't, there's always the whole self harm thing she told to Tsumiki. It's a good alternative, she supposes.

That hand wound might be a big deal though; if, say, any tendons were damaged for one. And... there are so many different ways her hand could be in trouble right now in general. She could sustain a permanent injury... that high-heel dug deep into her flesh.

She should probably go to a doctor, but she can't go to a legal one. She can't risk getting Junko into trouble, even if the chances of people not believing her story and suspecting her sister were only one percent. Though if she went to an actual doctor she'd have to think of a better story. And she doesn't know about any illegal doctors in this area.

She could ask Tsumiki. The girl is a nurse, not a doctor, but she might know enough to tell how serious the injury is.

Mukuro doesn't want to rely on her, doesn't want to show her the injury... but she doesn't have any other choice. She could just ignore her wound and hope it's nothing serious, but that seems too risky... having a permanent injury on her hand would be a very bad thing. She's the Ultimate Soldier, so she can't just risk losing her right hand permanently.

Surely Junko wouldn't want her most efficient weapon -- and sister -- to lose a hand either?

But, the self-defense class starts in a bit. She doesn't really have the time to go to Tsumiki before it, and the girl is probably getting ready for the lesson right now too.

No, it's probably just better to grit her teeth, get the lesson over with first, injury non-withstanding, and ask Tsumiki afterwards.

She's been kinda looking forward to today, too...

Mukuro sighs. It really doesn't matter. She doesn't deserve to have a fun day after having ruined yesterday for Junko anyway.

She will still do her duty as a friend -- teach Sayaka and Tsumiki, then take the latter out for some cake -- but that's it.

 

-

 

She arrives early in the gym. Only Oogami is there, and they greet each other like usually. The Ultimate Martial Artist obviously notices the new bandages, but doesn't say anything about it other than wishing her a speedy recovery.

Mukuro appreciates it, though unfortunately she feels saying that out loud would be awkward, so she doesn't.

When Sayaka and Tsumiki arrive, she tells them the accident story upon being asked about the bandages, and luckily they both seem to believe her. Tsumiki does bring up changing her bandages like last time, but Mukuro makes something up about already having the necessary supplies in her room and the nurse doesn't insist further, though she doesn't at all look happy about it.

She isn't going to ask Tsumiki to look at her injury as long as Sayaka is here, the latter would definitely get concerned and possibly stay for it. Mukuro doesn't want that to happen, doesn't want Sayaka to see that.

Mukuro pushes these thoughts out of her mind and looks Sayaka and Tsumiki over.

She is glad they're both wearing their hair in a ponytail and are dressed in casual gym clothes -- it shows they're taking it seriously -- and almost breathes a sigh of relief that Sayaka's outfit doesn't really show any skin. She doesn't need that kind of distraction. Not that she would stare or anything, but compulsively trying _not_ to stare would be weird too.

Tsumiki might have overdone it even, wearing both a sports headband and sweatbands on her wrists. It's not like the self-defense lesson is going to be all that strenuous... but, well, Mukuro feels it would be silly to accuse anyone of trying _too_ hard.

She instructs them to do some warming up and stretching, after which she finally begins the lesson.

"First of all, I should tell you that you need to avoid fighting if possible. Self-defense is really only a last resort. If they just want your valuables, hand them over. If they want to cause you harm, then scream and be as loud as possible, or try to talk them down, or run away. It depends on the situation and your own judgement." Mukuro says these words grudgingly, having to remind herself that Sayaka and Tsumiki aren't like her. She'd never avoid a fight by giving some scumbag anything at all or calling for help, but she's the Ultimate Soldier and violence is in her nature. Most other people aren't like her.

"But sometimes you can't avoid a fight," Mukuro continues. She feels a little awkward, lecturing the two other girls like she's some kind of professional instructor. "And I'm going to teach you what to do if you can't. I'm going to cover the basics, with a weapon and without. I'm only going to talk about one weapon though -- a self-defense keychain. I've already bought one for both of you, so feel free to keep them."

"Thank you, Mukuro-san, but you didn't have to do that," Sayaka says, frowning. "Please tell me how expensive it was. I'm gonna pay you back."

Tsumiki's face looks ashen, presumably at the thought of holding a weapon -- not that a keychain is much of weapon -- but then nods fervently. "Th-Thank you so much for thinking of m-me, but I want to pay- to pay you back too, Ikusaba-san."

"Consider it me paying _you_ back, then." Mukuro says. "It wasn't very expensive. You've bought me more than enough juice to make up for the cost, Sayaka-san. And the treatment you've given me over the week was enough to cover your keychain as well, Tsumiki-san." Seeing that the two girls can't think of anything to retort, she continues. "Anyway, first I'm going to teach you how to break out of the most common holds that an assailant would put you in. Let's start with the wrist hold..."

Mukuro mostly uses Sayaka for demonstrations, since her other student might be too shy and feel too uncomfortable to be up for that just yet -- and Tsumiki will have to do it herself sooner or later anyway. It's kind of embarrassing to get into weird positions with Sayaka, but surprisingly it doesn't make her feel as awkward as she thought it would. Maybe because the subject of self-defense isn't exactly light-hearted.

She is kind of taken aback by how natural teaching feels to her, how easy it is. She's been feeling less than confident about her ability to do so before Sayaka and Tsumiki arrived, but seeing how willingly they both put their trust in her to teach them correctly helped a lot. It's not like she's an expert instructor or anything, but she likes to think she's above the rank of amateur at least.

At one point during the lesson, her right hand starts to burn again, like something inside is being slowly torn apart, but she tries her best to ignore the pain. She wants to avoid questions, or for the two others to get concerned.

By the end of it, she notices that Oogami's been watching them with clear interest on her face. When their eyes meet, Oogami nods at her. Mukuro isn't sure what it means, showing approval maybe, but nods back anyway. Best not to make things awkward.

Besides, she kind of likes Oogami. They never talk, sure, but they have a quiet companionship of some sort. She really would like fighting her, but unfortunately her hand keeps getting injured because of her own stupidity.

"That was cool!" Sayaka says after Mukuro announces the lesson is over, and sits down on her mostly superfluous exercise mat. "Or is that a weird way to put it? Should I say informative? I guess it was both. And thanks for getting me a pink keychain, Mukuro-san. Now I'm cute _and_ deadly!"

"It's your favorite color." Mukuro answers, probably unnecessarily, but she wants Sayaka to know that she picked it because of that.

"H-How did you know my favorite color is bl-black, Ikusaba-san?" Tsumiki asks. She sits down on her mat like Sayaka, but does it slowly instead of slumping down.

"I didn't know that. I just picked that at random." For no particular reason, Mukuro adds: "Black is my favorite color too."

"Th-That's neat!" Mukuro isn't sure why Tsumiki seems to be so happy at that, but she'll take it over the girl's usual anxiety.

"Can't go wrong with black!" Sayaka repeats her words from last week. "It's always in fashion! Well, not always, but pretty often!"

"And it hides d-dried blood stains." Tsumiki adds, then looks immediately horrified at her own words. "I-I mean-"

"Makes sense for the Ultimate Nurse!" Sayaka quickly says, possibly saving Tsumiki from starting to hyperventilate.

"Yes." Mukuro tries to think of something else to say besides one word, but the only thing that comes to mind is agreeing with Tsumiki on the dried blood stain thing, and that might seem weirder coming from the Ultimate Soldier than from the Ultimate Nurse so she can't really do that. Maybe a joke would help. "Um... maybe nurses should just wear black aprons instead of white ones."

"Th-That's a great idea!" Tsumiki agrees right when Mukuro feels like wincing over saying such a stupid thing -- it shouldn't even count as a joke -- which leaves her a bit baffled.

"That might have a bad effect on the patients though." Sayaka says, giggling.

"Of- of course, that's true..." Tsumiki looks crestfallen for a moment, but perks up right away. "I-I guess it's not like I have to wash the- the hospital clothes anyway if I work in one as a nurse... um, m-maybe."

It seems odd that Tsumiki wouldn't know how to remove dried blood, considering her past and present as a nurse, but maybe she's just never had anyone who could tell her. And she didn't think of looking it up in a book or the internet either, apparently.

"Put hydrogen peroxide on the stain, scrub it with a wet rag for a bit, leave it for a few minutes, then press a hot iron on it." Mukuro advises, almost automatically. "It should work most of the time. Be sure not to make the iron too hot though." She immediately curses herself internally when Sayaka and Tsumiki stare at her. Wasn't she trying not to be weird?

"Thank y-you, Ikusaba-san." Tsumiki says, and sounds sincere enough despite the awkward atmosphere.

"Guess you always did the laundry back home, huh?" Sayaka suggests, apparently opting for the 'Let's pretend you didn't just talk about washing other people's blood off you whom you've killed' approach.

"Junko-chan did teach me how to wash clothes correctly." Mukuro says truthfully, mostly just glad that Sayaka is giving her an out. Or maybe the idol means the words -- it's not like just because one knows something about washing off blood stains means it has to be related to one's talent which happens to be killing people... probably.

"M-My mother suffers from he-hemophobia... she always throws clothes with- with blood on them away instead of w-washing them." Tsumiki mentions, maybe sharing it to decrease the current awkwardness. Either way, Mukuro is grateful for it.

"Didn't you treat other children long before you attended Hope's Peak Academy?" She asks, remembering Tsumiki's story from last week. "Blood must have gotten onto you sometimes. Did she just throw your clothes away afterwards?"

"Yes," Tsumiki mumbles, looking downtrodden. "She wasn't h-happy at all with that..."

"I think it's amazing!" Sayaka praises with a bright smile. "Both you and your talent, Tsumiki-senpai. You should be proud of yourself, helping so many people in need."

"Thank you, Maizono-san." Tsumiki's anxiety visibly decreases as she returns the smile. She didn't stutter at all either.

"You're the Ultimate Nurse for a reason." Mukuro adds to Sayaka's praise, causing Tsumiki to look both delighted and bashful.

"Ehehe... still, it's not like I'm a doctor or any- anything."

"A doctor wouldn't get anything done without a nurse." Sayaka says, then giggles. "Actually, I just made that up, but it sounds like the truth."

"I don't like doctors." Mukuro mutters.

Tsumiki looks at her curiously. "Wh-Why not?"

"It's not important. Anyway, when should we have our next lesson?" Mukuro asks both of them. "If you want another one, that is."

"I-I could do it next Saturday again." Tsumiki says.

Sayaka considers it for a little longer. "I'd love to have one next Saturday too, but I'm probably gonna be too busy at the studio. Today was an exception."

"Sunday could work," Mukuro muses. "But you two probably have better things to do." She's mostly talking about Sayaka, but just mentioning her would be rude to Tsumiki.

"I can do Sunday!" Sayaka defies her assumptions with enthusiasm. "Wait, is the gym even open on Sunday?"

"Yes," Mukuro affirms. It'd be strange if it wasn't, considering the amount of students who need to keep in shape for their talents. "But is it alright for you to spend your only free day in the week on this, Sayaka-san?"

"If I didn't, I'd just laze around in bed all day listening to music. It's not like it takes that long anyway!"

"And what about you, Tsumiki-san?" Mukuro asks, glancing at her. Tsumiki seems hesitant, so she adds something. "It's fine to just say no without explaining why too. I won't mind."

"N-No, Sunday sounds fine..." Tsumiki twiddles her thumbs. "B-But is it really okay for me to- to waste your time like that?"

"I'm the one who offered to begin with." Mukuro points out.

"And don't forget I'm wasting her time too, Tsumiki-senpai!" Sayaka interjects cheerfully.

"I didn't m-mean it like that...!" Tsumiki argues weakly.

"I'm just kidding! I think Mukuro-san had fun teaching." Sayaka looks at her, smiling. "You did, right?"

Mukuro blinks. "I... suppose so," she mumbles. "I'm not sure I would put it like that, but it wasn't bad or anything."

"You're really good at it." Sayaka gets up on her feet and kicks high into the air. "I feel like I could take on the world right now!" She kicks the air again, then promply loses her balance and falls on her behind, making a sound that's somewhere between a yelp and a squeak.

"We didn't cover kicks this time," Mukuro tells a pouting Sayaka, feeling bemused. "But you might survive if the world just puts you in a chokehold."

Tsumiki giggles, though after a second she immediately slaps a hand in front of her mouth and looks terrified. "I-I didn't mean to laugh at you, Mai-Maizono-san... please for- forgive me!"

"Ah geez, it's okay!" Sayaka assures her. "It makes sense you'd laugh. Mukuro-san is the Ultimate Clown, didn't you know?"

"The... Ultimate Cl-Clown?" Tsumiki looks between them in bewilderment. "Does s-such a person exist here? Kuzuryuu-san calls Komaeda-san a clown some- sometimes, but..."

"Junko-chan insists that there is an Ultimate Clown attending this school," Mukuro says. "I'm not sure whether she is joking or not. Either way, as far as I know I'm just the Ultimate Soldier."

"Th-That's good..." Tsumiki mumbles. "Clowns are scary."

"Really?" Sayaka seems puzzled. "I think they're funny."

Mukuro gives her a look. "That's the strangest thing I've ever heard you say so far. They're neither funny nor scary, just weird."

"Wow, guess clowns are a really controversial issue here." Sayaka concludes.

"I like mimes..." Tsumiki comments.

"They're weird too." Mukuro says flatly.

Sayaka giggles. "Remind me to never take you to a circus, Mukuro-san."

"I will." Mukuro pauses. "Don't tell her I told you that, but Junko-chan wanted to be a clown when she was a child."

"What?! No way!"

"E-Enoshima-san wanted to...?"

"Yes." She nods seriously. She isn't sure why she's bringing something like this up... maybe she just wanted to share something about her family, since Tsumiki has done so just earlier. "It was because clowns have the power to... 'instill both joy and terror into people', she said." Mukuro smiles at the memory. Junko was so sincere about the whole thing that it was cute.

"Geez, you're making Junko-chan sound scary." Sayaka giggles. "It sounds adorable too though. I can really imagine her saying that."

"I'm glad Enoshima-san didn't become a cl-clown." Tsumiki mutters.

"Me too." Mukuro says, suppressing a wince when she feels a sharp burst of pain from her right hand again. She probably shouldn't have moved it so much, but it couldn't be helped. "Anyway, Junko-chan asked me to run an errand for her," she quickly makes up a lie, not wanting to stay any longer. "So if there wasn't anything else...?"

As it turns out, there isn't anything else and they say their goodbyes to each other.

As soon as Mukuro is back in her dorm room, she clutches her right hand with her left one, as though that would somehow make the pain stop. After standing like this for a minute, the pain in her hand slowly subsiding, her phone buzzes.

 **Sayaka-chan:** i hope your feeling better soon mukuro-san. the lesson was really great! i hope you and tsumiki-senpai have fun in the city. it sucks that i have to be at the studio until night but what can you do... ps: im really glad you were wearing the bracelet today. it suits you. lots of kisses  < 3

A second later another message arrives.

 **Sayaka-chan:** *youre

Mukuro feels the corners of her lips curling. Another burst of pain turns it into a grimace. She wants to reply to Sayaka, but she should probably deal with the wound first.

She didn't want to ask Tsumiki with Sayaka there, but now she can do so over the phone. Typing with her left hand feels awkward, but it's manageable enough.

 **Mukuro:** Tsumiki-san, can I ask you to look at my injury before we go to the cake shop? I'm sorry to trouble you with it, but I don't want to go to a doctor and I trust your judgement.

The reply comes faster than she expected.

 **Tsumiki-san:** You haven't gone to a doctor? Ikusaba-san, that's really dangerous! Come over right away please!

Mukuro blinks. Oddly aggressive, coming from her usually shy friend.

She does as she is told. Tsumiki ushers her into her room with a concerned look on her face, looking even more concerned when Mukuro admits she's been feeling pain during her lesson from before.

"I-I'm not sure if I have enough ex-expertise to tell how bad it is."

"I'm sure you do." Mukuro assures her. She frowns. "I apologize for making you do this, Tsumiki-san. You haven't even had the chance to change clothes yet."

"You should have come- come to me right away," Tsumiki says. "Wh-Why didn't you say anything during the lesson?"

"I was planning on asking you, but I didn't want to make Sayaka-san concerned." Mukuro explains. "You're right. I shouldn't have waited."

Tsumiki nods with an upset look on her face. "Can you pl-please hold out your hand?"

Mukuro does. She feels an unpleasant sensation when the bandages are being unwrapped.

Tsumiki gasps. "Ikusaba-san, you... this is..."

"I know it looks bad." Mukuro mutters, averting her eyes to stare at the wall instead.

"Did you clean and dis- disinfect it?"

Mukuro tries to think. She didn't really pay much attention to how Junko was treating her wound, but... she's pretty sure. "Yes, I think so."

"You think so...?"

"I was in a lot of pain. I don't remember it clearly, but I think I did." Mukuro quickly rectifies, cursing herself for the idiotic slip-up.

"I see... um, Ikusaba-san... I-I would like to do a physical examination." Tsumiki audibly gulps. "I-I can't convince you to go to a doctor at all...?"

"I won't go to a doctor." Mukuro says, hoping her tone makes it obvious that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

Tsumiki doesn't ask her again, instead focusing on her wound. She cleans it thoroughly, after which she touches her hand in specific ways and puts her through motion tests, while Mukuro tries her best to be compliant. There are a lot of questions as well, about whether she is vaccinated against tetanus or not and et cetera.

Eventually, Tsumiki concludes that the wound could have been a lot worse, especially since skin was broken, that her hand is merely fractured, not broken, and doesn't need surgery. Then, however, she tries to argue that there should be an X-ray test just to be sure, but Mukuro rejects the argument based on the grounds of both trusting the nurse's judgement and not wanting anyone else to know about the wound -- since Tsumiki has no means of doing an X-ray test by herself.

Not at all happy, Tsumiki applies a white splint to her after that short discussion -- apparently she has a lot of medical equipment in her room. Mukuro eyes it resentfully. She doesn't like the fact that she's going to have to wear something like that for three weeks, and that she's going to have to restrict her workout for even longer.

It's her own fault for being so stupid, so she has no right to be angry at anyone but herself, especially no right to be angry at Tsumiki.

Tsumiki gives her some general advice on how to take care of the splint, on how to reduce pain and the like. "I-I'm going to get you some medication for the pain l-later today," she says. "If the pain is getting too much though, please call me immediately. Or if it f-feels too tight. Or if- if..." She continues in this manner for a while. Mukuro already knows most of the advice being given to her, but doesn't want to be rude.

She almost breathes a sigh of relief when it's over. "Thank you for this, Tsumiki-san. I realize it was a lot to ask for." She tells the nurse sincerely, raising her splint-covered hand to press it against her chest. She had to remove the bracelet from it, and Tsumiki put it on her left wrist instead.

"W-We're friends, Ikusaba-san... and- and it's my duty." Tsumiki mumbles. "I'm sorry about y-your tattoo... I don't th-think it's ever going to look like before..."

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to remove it anyway." Mukuro says. "Well, I think I've wasted enough of your time."

Tsumiki is silent for a while, as if mentally preparing herself for what to say next. "Ikusaba-san... can I ask you something?"

Mukuro frowns. Questions are never good when it comes to this. "Yes."

"That girl... she stepped on your hand once and then just ran off? Did you recognize her?"

"No," Mukuro mutters, and the fact that Tsumiki isn't stuttering at all unsettles her a little. "It's not really important anyway. I'm not interested in revenge or anything, if that's what you're asking. It was an accident. I assume she just ran away like that, because she panicked on seeing all the blood."

There is a long pause. "Ikusaba-san," Tsumiki says softly, very carefully. "The injury on your hand... it shows that someone stepped on your hand more than just one time."

Mukuro freezes.

"The damage... the skin... it clearly shows that..." Tsumiki visibly swallows. "Someone stepped on it three times, all in slightly different spots..."

Mukuro stays silent, more out of shock than anything else. How could she have been so stupid not to consider that? It's true she was trying her best not to recall that moment from yesterday, but that's no excuse to miss something so obvious. Of course the tip of the heel wouldn't go in the same exact spot every single time! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"And," Tsumiki continues, her voice slowly getting shakier and shakier. "If you had tr-treated your own wound, you would have noticed that it wasn't just the same spot on your hand every time... which means... someone treated y-you. S-So even if you were mistaken about the amount of times you were stepped on somehow, you... you lied about treating it yourself..."

Mukuro stays silent, desperately trying to come up with something, but she doesn't know what to say. "I..." She swallows. "Tsumiki-san, do you remember what I told you? That sometimes I hurt myself?"

"This isn't... this isn't a self-inflicted wound." Tsumiki says. "I don't believe that..."

"Are you accusing me of lying?" Mukuro tries to make herself sound stern, but probably doesn't quite manage.

Tsumiki swallows again. "Y-Yes." She says.

Mukuro stares at her. "Let's just forget about it," she mutters. "I don't want to talk about this." She turns around to leave.

"Is Enoshima-san doing this to you?"

Mukuro grows still upon hearing Tsumiki's outburst. She turns to her again. "What did you say?" She whispers, almost hisses.

Tsumiki is shaking. "N-Nothing else makes sense," she says in a quiet, croaking voice. "It wasn't an accident... it- it wasn't self-inflicted... a-and the people who would t-try h-harming the Ultimate Soldier for some reason wouldn't b-be wearing high-heels during it... s-so the only conclusion is... y-you let someone hurt you. And... E-Enoshima-san is your sister... a-and she is someone who would wear those sh-shoes..."

"You're wrong." Mukuro says, feeling something cold in her chest. She knows there are holes in Tsumiki's argument, so there is no reason to panic. She knows that, but can't stop her voice from sounding frantic. "And you're making a lot of assumptions you can't prove. I asked someone to do this to me, to hurt myself. I targeted the tattoo, because I felt bad for leaving Junko-chan to join the group that branded me with it. I felt bad for having fun with her at the mall despite leaving her for three years." She takes a breath to cut her panicky rambling short, trying to compose herself. "Don't accuse my sister of hurting me, Tsumiki-san. I love her. She loves me, she forgave me despite that I left her. How dare you say something like that about her? How dare you?!"

Tsumiki cringes at the shout. She looks unsure of herself now. "Ikusaba-san... I don't want to assume it either, please believe me, b-but..."

"Shut up." Mukuro takes a step towards her. Tsumiki doesn't step back in response, but rather her entire body seems fo freeze. "Don't continue accusing Junko-chan, or else..."

"Ikusaba-san...?" Tsumiki stares at her body language, not entirely comprehending that Mukuro is threatening her, but understanding enough to be frightened. "I... I..."

Mukuro closes her eyes, trying to relax her body, to breathe slowly. "Tsumiki-san," she says quietly. "Don't ever speak badly of my sister in front of me again. It makes me angry. Alright?"

Tsumiki opens her mouth and closes it. She closes her eyes as well, then takes a deep breath and opens them again. She still looks afraid, but determined too. "Ikusaba-san... w-we're friends, right?"

Mukuro hesitates, not understanding what the point of the question is, though eventually she answers in a flat tone. "Yes."

"Ikusaba-san, I want- want to help you." Tsumiki says quietly. "I... I'm not saying you're lying to me, but... wh-whether someone is d-doing this to you or you're doing it to your- yourself... I-I want you to know that you c-can talk to me... w-we could go to Yukizome-sensei... sh-she's really kind and- and smart. She would know what to do... I'm really not trying to- to annoy you, I'm just... just worried... because you're so kind to me. Be-Because you're my friend..."

Without entirely understanding why, Mukuro suddenly feels like she is going to throw up. She looks away from Tsumiki. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," she mutters. "I don't think I want to go out today either... I apologize."

"Th-That's fine, of course... I-I was going to suggest that, because of- of your injury..."

"I see."

There is an uncomfortable silence, neither of them directly looking at the other. There is something Mukuro has to say though, so she breaks it. She looks up and at the other girl.

"Tsumiki-san... I need you to promise me something."

Tsumiki looks at her as well. "Y-Yes?"

"Don't tell anyone about this. About the self harm. Or..." Mukuro's voice gets lower, trying to ignore the sickness she's feeling. "About that accusation from earlier. I think you understand why I don't want anyone to know that I hurt myself."

She expected Tsumiki to agree right away, which makes it surprising when the nurse looks visibly hesitant. "B-But... you need help..."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!" Tsumiki doesn't quite shout, but comes close to it. "You- you could have seriously hurt yourself, Ikusaba-san... a-and this..." She points at the splint. "Th-This is really serious already! H-How can I just ignore one of my friends going through this...?"

"Because your friend is asking you to." Mukuro says. "I won't do anything extreme like this again. I just got upset."

Tsumiki looks both conflicted and pained. "But... c-can we at least tell Maizono-san? We- we shouldn't keep it from her..."

"Why not? I don't want to worry her."

"Because she's our friend... a-and you... l-like her... don't you?"

Mukuro presses her lips into a thin line. She didn't think Tsumiki would notice that so easily... it's not like she was all that open with her affection in front of the nurse. Maybe Tsumiki is more perceptive than she gave the girl credit for. It doesn't matter though. "So what?" She asks. "Like I said, I don't want to worry her. And even if I do like her, this is none of her business."

"But..."

"I'm asking you as a friend." Mukuro repeats, starting to reach the end of her patience.

"Even if you're asking me..." Something in Tsumiki's eyes flashes. "Ikusaba-san, I... I can't just ignore this... I-I know it isn't my business and that I'm t-terribly nosy, but... if you don't wa-want to tell anyone, th-then at least let's think of something else. T-Together." She gives a hopeful smile.

"Listen," Mukuro says in a low voice. "I'm not asking you anymore. Now I'm _telling_ you. Don't talk to anyone about this."

Tsumiki's eyes go wide. Trembling, she seems to force herself to whisper these next words. "A-And if I do..?"

Mukuro stays silent for a while, and for a second she feels deeply conflicted... but then she thinks of Junko, and suddenly the next few words are easy to say. "You're my friend, Tsumiki-san," she murmurs. "I don't want to hurt my friends, but I will if I have to." She narrows her eyes. "And I don't need two hands to do that. Do you understand me?"

Tsumiki looks like frozen in place for a moment. She opens her mouth, but no words are coming out. "I..." She eventually says, very softly. "I don't believe you... y-you wouldn't hurt me." She visibly swallows down her fear. "You're kind, Ikusaba-san. You wouldn't... I don't believe it!"

"I don't want to, but I will if you make me." Mukuro says, her voice becoming more and more heated. "Just don't tell anyone about it. It's not that hard."

"H-How can I just pretend nothing is wrong? W-Would you do that?"

"This isn't a debate!" Mukuro snaps, beyond frustrated. "I just threatened to attack you. Do you realize that? Why are you being so insistent? You aren't usually like this."

"You're my best friend!" Tsumiki half shouts, half wails. She sniffs. "I-I just want to help you..."

Mukuro looks into Tsumiki's teary eyes, stunned. "Best friend? Me?"

"It's just... I talk more t-to Komaeda-san and Maizono-san, and they- they're great, b-but..." Tsumiki looks at her helplessly. "I d-don't know... you just said all- all those kind things a-and you try to help me so much... a-and you're not pu-pushing me all the time... I just, wh-whenever we spend time together I f-feel like nothing could h-hurt me... y-you're really important to me!"

There is a brief silence. A baffled Mukuro tries to gather her thoughts.

"Tsumiki-san," she eventually mumbles. "I didn't know you felt so strongly..."

And about her, of all people. Scum like her.

Scum who would threaten a friend, over something caused by her own stupidity.

But even after she threatened her in such a manner, Tsumiki still... cares that much about her?

Suddenly, Mukuro feels a deep sense of shame enveloping her. She can't even look into Tsumiki's general direction anymore, staring at the floor instead.

"I'm sorry," Mukuro mutters. "I'm sorry for threatening you. Just... please don't tell anyone about the injury. I won't hurt you if you do, I promise, but... please don't." How pathetic, to resort to begging, but she doesn't have it in her to threaten Tsumiki anymore. And she can't think of anything else.

"Ikusaba-san..." Tsumiki murmurs, approaching her. Gently, the nurse touches her left arm. "I-I'm sorry... I know I don't have the- the right to tell anyone without y-your consent, I'm just really worried..."

"You shouldn't worry." Mukuro says tonelessly.

"M-Maybe... y-you could promise me that if you get injured again, we will t-talk to someone about it. Is that o-okay?"

Mukuro hesitates. "And you will leave it be for now if I promise that?"

Tsumiki looks terribly unhappy, but nods eventually.

Mukuro sighs. "Okay," she says. "I promise. And, Tsumiki-san?"

"Y-Yes...?"

"I'm sorry for acting cruel earlier. I was... not thinking clearly."

Tsumiki smiles. "I-It's okay... it was r-really scary, but I know you wouldn't hurt me... you're a kind person, Ikusaba-san."

Mukuro doesn't correct the false statement. "I think I should go back to my room. To rest."

"Y-You do need rest," Tsumiki admits, but looks sad nonetheless.

Mukuro feels like she just tasted something sour upon seeing her friend's expression. "I should thank you again," she mutters. "I don't know enough about my feelings to say if you're my best friend or not, but... you're a good friend. And you're important to me too."

Despite how awkward and stilted the words are, Tsumiki has a shy smile on her face again. "I-I'm happy to hear it..."

There is another silence, and it's impossible to tell whether it's awkward or pleasant.

"Well," Mukuro says eventually. "I should go."

"O-Okay... I-I'm going to come by your room l-later to give you the pain medication..."

It kind of sounds like a question, so Mukuro answers. "Yes, that's fine. Thank you again, Tsumiki-san."

"I hope y-you have a good rest, Ikusaba-san."

Mukuro leaves Tsumiki's room.

She feels so many conflicting emotions that, in the end, she feels nothing at all. Just exhaustion.

Back in her room, she can't muster up the energy to reply to Sayaka's message from before and instead lies down on her bed without bothering to change, splint-covered hand pressed to her chest. She raises her other hand and stares at the bracelet. At the wolf's head.

It really is a pretty thing. Wasted on someone like her.

Maybe Junko just calls her ugly so often, because it's what she's like on the inside. Plain on the outside, ugly on the inside. Then again, plain on the inside describes her as well.

Why do all of these people even want to be her friends?

Slowly, Mukuro falls asleep.

 

-

 

Mukuro spends most of her afternoon studying.

She's been kinda neglecting that lately, and it's not like she has anything better to do. Well, other than listening to Sayaka's songs on repeat while laying in her bed and feeling sorry for herself, that is.

But she's done that plenty already, mostly while texting Sayaka and desperately trying not to come across as bland and disinterested. So, studying it is.

It's fairly late in the evening when her doorbell rings.

She feels puzzled for a moment, but then remembers that Tsumiki told her she would bring painkillers later today.

It's not very hard to wrench herself away from the dull textbook to open the door.

Sure enough, it's Tsumiki at the door. And also Sayaka, Asahina, and Naegi.

Before she can say anything, Asahina, with all her usual tact, blurts out: "Sheesh, that looks nasty!"

"Aoi-chan!" Sayaka immediately admonishes.

Mukuro frowns. "The wound is ugly," she says. "But it's not like you can see it."

"Sorry, Ikusaba-chan! I meant the... thing! The thing you wrapped around it!"

"You mean the cast?" Naegi offers.

"Yeah, that! It just looks nasty! Like, not disgusting-nasty, but bad-nasty!"

"This is called a splint, not a cast." Mukuro points out. She blinks. "What are you all doing here?"

"I texted Aoi-chan about your injury," Sayaka says, almost apologetically. "And, well, things just happened."

Mukuro finds that to be a less than helpful explanation, but Asahina is quick to elaborate. "It's pretty simple! Tsumiki-senpai texted Sayaka-chan about bringing you meds, then Sayaka-chan texted me about Tsumiki-senpai texting her about bringing you meds, then I texted Naegi about Sayaka-chan texting me about Tsumiki-senpai texting her about bringing you meds! And then I had the idea to surprise you in your room to write our names on your cast!" She takes a deep breath. "And that's how it happened!"

Mukuro stares at her for a good ten seconds. "Okay," she says, stepping away from her door. "Please come in."

They do; Asahina practically bouncing into her room while the others look rather awkward. At least Sayaka and Naegi try to hide it.

"I-I hope it's o-okay to disturb you like this..." Tsumiki mumbles quietly to her.

"It's fine," Mukuro mutters back, closing the door. "Asahina-san can be a little forceful, but she's nice. You get used to her."

"Wow, there's like... nothing in this room! I guess they don't let you hang guns on the wall, Ikusaba-chan? That sucks!"

"I _think_ you get used to her." Mukuro adds flatly to her previous comment, causing Tsumiki to giggle nervously. Louder, she says: "Guns are illegal in Japan, Asahina-san."

"But you're the Ultimate Soldier! They should make exceptions for you!" Asahina argues.

"That's what I said too!" Sayaka agrees.

"I'm not sure that sounds like a good idea..." Naegi mutters in an uncharacteristic display of assertiveness -- though he _does_ say it very quietly -- and, judging from her face, Tsumiki doesn't seem to be a fan of that idea either.

"Anyway, sit down, Ikusaba-chan!" Asahina urges her, pointing to the middle of the gray sofa. "I've come prepared!" She says triumphantly, and pulls out a colorful collection of marker pens. "That way, everyone can use their favorite color to write on your cast- I mean splint!"

"Are people even supposed to write their names on a splint?" Mukuro wonders out loud, but sits down in the middle of the couch anyway. "I thought it was just casts. This thing here isn't that big either." She moves her arm slightly for emphasis.

"I don't think there's a rule." Sayaka says. "And that means we'll just have to write small letters!"

"D-Don't you want us to write our names, Ikusaba-san?" Tsumiki asks her.

"I don't mind." Mukuro answers.

"Great!" Asahina cheers, sitting down next to her. Sayaka sits down on the other side.

Unlike Sayaka, Mukuro only has one couch in her room, and it isn't very spacious, so Tsumiki and Naegi end up arguing on who gets to sit down on the only chair in the room and who has to sit on the floor. That is to say, they argue that the other person should sit down on the chair... and in this case "argue" means trying to awkwardly assure each other they wouldn't mind sitting on the floor.

By the end of it, Sayaka and Asahina being too busy trying to open the package of marker pens to pay attention to the entire thing all the while, Naegi has given up first and sits on the chair, looking dejected, like he just stole an infant's lollipop on Christmas.

"Finally!" Sayaka exclaims when Asahina rips the plastic open violently. She looks over to Tsumiki sitting on the floor and tries to make some space, scooting closer to Mukuro. "Come sit down next to me, Tsumiki-senpai. There's enough space!"

There is another brief "argument" that Mukuro tunes out for her own sanity -- or maybe it's just the feeling of embarrassment of having Sayaka so close to her -- but eventually Tsumiki ends up sitting next to Sayaka.

Asahina tries to get Naegi to sit next to her, but he points out the couch is cramped enough as it is, and eventually Asahina is content with Naegi putting his chair right next to her. "Now we're all together!" She declares. "Everyone, pick out your favorite color!"

"I'm writing first!" Sayaka chirps, in a tone that offers no room for argument. She writes 'Sayaka' in pretty, pink letters on the white splint.

"I'm going next!" Asahina says with enthusiasm, and writes 'Aoi' in big, blue letters.

"I guess I'm next." Naegi says, presumably knowing better than to offer third place to Tsumiki at this point. He writes 'Makoto' in clumsy, red letters.

"I-It's okay for me to write too...?" Tsumiki asks Mukuro. Upon receiving a nod, she raises her pen and, after a slight pause, writes 'Mikan' in neat, black letters.

"Now you can remember us instead of the pain whenever you look at it!" Asahina tells her.

Despite how sentimental the words are, Mukuro feels oddly touched. "Thank you, Asahina-san," she mumbles, glancing at the others. "Thank you, all of you."

"You're welcome!" Asahina replies, looking very pleased with herself. "And you can call me by first name! If writing my name on your... thingy isn't enough to bring us to first name basis, then I don't know what is!"

Mukuro isn't sure about that reasoning, but doesn't have any problem with it. "I don't mind... Aoi-san."

Aoi beams. "I've been meaning to call you 'Mukuro-chan' for a while now, Mukuro-chan!"

"You don't have to keep calling me by my last name either, Ikusaba-san." Naegi says, scratching his cheek.

Mukuro looks at the boy, blinking. "Then you can do the same," she says. "Makoto-kun."

Makoto smiles. "Thanks, Mukuro-san."

"U-Um... you can use my first name too!" Tsumiki blurts out, looking as though every shred of willpower she possesses has just left her body together with the words.

"Are you sure, Tsumiki-san? That doesn't seem very polite." Mukuro says, but immediately regrets not just agreeing considering how much strength it seemed to have taken Tsumiki to say that sentence.

"You're saying that, but you won't even call her 'senpai'." Sayaka points out teasingly.

"What, you don't?!" Aoi looks shocked. "You should give Tsumiki-senpai some respect, Mukuro-san! She's a great girl!"

"B-But I don't mi- um, gr-great girl?!" Tsumiki looks about as shocked as Aoi just did a moment ago.

"Well, yeah! I know we've only just met a few minutes ago, but..."

"Um, guys? I agree that Tsumiki-senpai is a great girl, but I think Mukuro-san is trying to say something." Sayaka interjects, which is enough to make everyone -- Tsumiki's face is beet red at this point -- focus on her again.

"Thank you, Sayaka-san." Mukuro mutters. "And well, of course I respect Tsumiki-san, but..." She trails off, feeling flustered. She knows Sayaka and Aoi are right, but she just has an aversion to that word.

"I really don't m-mind! Y-You can r-really call me by my first name!" Tsumiki sounds somewhere between wailing and shrieking.

"Okay, I will," Mukuro quickly agrees. "And you can do the same, Mikan-san."

Mikan visibly calms down. "Th-Thank you, Mukuro-san." She says, her voice barely sounding shaky anymore. She even cracks a small smile.

Mukuro smiles back.

"Okay! Let's play a game!" Aoi suggests. "How about Never Have I Ever?"

"Don't you play that with alcohol...?" Makoto asks.

"I have some hot sauce we can use instead! Same thing, really."

"... Why are you carrying hot sauce with you?"

"Guys!" Sayaka raises her voice. "We should ask Mukuro-san if she's up for a game first. She might want to rest."

They all look at her expectantly.

Mukuro blinks. She's been meaning to study more, and it's not like she expected to entertain any guests today or anything, but...

She really doesn't want her friends to leave.

"Can someone explain the rules to me?" Mukuro asks.

"Sure!" Aoi says. "So, there's a thing someone says... and then the people have to uh... drink when they've done the same thing!"

Mukuro stares at her, already feeling confused.

"I'll explain it to you better." Sayaka mutters quietly to her.

"I'm probably never gonna drink." Makoto says, and it isn't obvious whether he's relieved or not.

"I w-wish we had alcohol." Mikan mumbles, then gets a look on her face that makes it obvious she didn't mean to say that out loud. "Um... I-I mean..."

"Wow, Tsumiki-senpai is secretly naugty!" Aoi shouts.

"N-No...!"

"I believe you, Tsumiki-senpai!" Makoto quickly tries to do damage control.

Sayaka giggles. "I'm sure she just wants the game to be more authentic." She suggests.

Mikan nods with vigor.

"Sorry for teasing you, Tsumiki-senpai!" Aoi says sheepishly. She takes a bottle of hot sauce seemingly out of nowhere and puts it on the table. "Let's say whoever's turn it is, they have to hold the bottle and then hand it to whoever has to drink. So, who's starting?"

"I am!" Sayaka snatches the bottle. "Alright, I'm gonna make a statement about something I haven't done before, and whoever has done it before has to drink," she explains for what Mukuro assumes to be her sake. "So..." She smiles smugly. "Never Have I Ever written on a splint in black, blue, or red!"

"Cheater!" Aoi yells with indignance, while Makoto seems torn between the same indignance and amusement, and Mikan giggles sofly.

Mukuro feels a sense of warmth spreading inside of her.

When Sayaka winks at her while the three others pass the bottle of hot sauce around, she even winks back, although not without blushing. Sayaka looks delighted for a moment, but then bursts into laughter when Aoi, possibly having poured too much hot sauce into her mouth, starts shrieking like she's about to die. Makoto is so startled he nearly falls off his chair, while Mikan stammers something about milk helping against that kind of thing.

Usually the atmosphere in her room is bleak and lonely.

Right now?

It's anything but.

Mukuro watches her friends with a slight smile, just barely leaning against Sayaka.

With her left hand, she finds Sayaka's and squeezes it softly during the commotion, feeling very bold.

When Sayaka squeezes back, still laughing in that melodic voice of hers, Mukuro feels her heart jump.

 

-

 

Much later, after everyone has left and she's laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, she comes to a realization.

She raises her left hand to look at the bracelet, squinting to see it better in the dark. The wolf's head almost shines, but she might be imagining it.

Sitting up, she looks at the splint, at the names on it. Sayaka, Aoi, Makoto, Mikan.

Mukuro bites her lower lip.

It should have been obvious, so how come she's only thinking of it now? And what point is there in thinking about it anyway?

Two valid questions, but it doesn't change that important fact.

Sayaka, Aoi, Makoto, Mikan.

She doesn't want these people to die.

Sayaka... the teasing, affectionate girl she is in love with.

She doesn't want her to die.

Aoi... the energetic, headstrong girl she can't help but smile at so often.

She doesn't want her to die.

Makoto... the friendly, helpful boy she feels she can talk to anytime without being judged.

She doesn't want him to die.

Mikan... the timid, caring girl she wants to help gain confidence in herself.

She doesn't want her to die.

She cares about all of them.

... Is this what despair feels like? How can her sister like this feeling?

Junko's words echo in her mind.

_"Sooner or later you'll come around. You'll see just how great it feels to be in despair. You can try for me, can't you?"_

"I don't want to..." Mukuro whispers.

But what she wants doesn't matter. It never has. Sacrificing her own happiness for Junko's is what she has to do. It's the least she can do. It's her duty.

Why does duty always have to feel so miserable?

Sitting in the dark, Mukuro silently begins to cry.

* * *

 


End file.
